This little Dilbert cartoon is an excellent example of what happens all too often in our work like. Instead of being fully present we are distracted by our technology, our surroundings and our own internal musings. Imagine this scenario:
You are at your desk working on an email. One of your direct reports knocks on your door with to ask a question. What do you do?
- You briefly acknowledge the individual but continue writing your email while they ask their question.
- You turn away from the computer and give the individual your full attention.
Remember the concept of micro-moments of connection. When we continue working while the other person talks we are sending what is referred to as an “away message” – meaning please go away I am too busy.
By the same token two people at work deliberately direct attention toward each other and away from other potential distractions it activates a sense of mutual connection that energizes both people. To quote Edward Hallowell:
“A five minute conversation can make all the difference in the world if the parties participate actively. To make it work, you have to set aside what you are doing, put down the memo you were reading, disengage from your laptop, abandon your daydream and bring your attention to bear upon the person you are with. Usually, when you do this, the other person (or people) will feel the energy and respond in kind, naturally.”
What does it mean to be present?
When we are present and attentive to another person we are:
- Being psychologically available and receptive
- Being open and subject to being changed through the connection with that person.
- Resisting distraction and delivering full attention
Examine this picture. How is the man in this picture conveying presence?
The Complexity of Communication
Communication is a multimodal experience. When we engage in conversation with another person meaning is conveyed by the words we use (the message), how we speak the words (voice, variations in tone and inflection, etc.) and how we behave as we convey the message (body language). What few of us recognize is how all three of those elements work together to transmit meaning. Research indicates that:
- 7% of the message is conveyed by the words we use
- 38% of the message is conveyed by how we say it
- 55% of the message is conveyed by our body language
Conveying Presence Through Body Language
Referring back to the image of the young man in the picture we can identify some simple guidelines to convey presence.
- Begin by keeping still
- Focus your eyes on the other person’s eyes, glancing away occasionally so that your gaze does not feel invasive.
- Unknit your brow
- Relax your jaw
- Uncross your arms
- Lean forward slightly
- Pay attention to the signals that your body sends regarding your readiness to be open and engaged with the other person.
Conveying Presence by Being Available
You signal availability by how you respond to requests from others for time, for attention, or for physical presence. We signal availability by verbal affirmation and physical signals we send when approached by someone. Here are a few examples:
- Someone enters your office and it is apparent that they are visibly upset. You recognize their need your facial expression signals recognition and empathy for the person’s situation. You extend your arms with palms up and gesture the person into your office and shut the door while saying something like “this sounds very troubling to you and so it’s important to me that we talk now.”
- You are meeting with a colleague and your phone rings. You silence the phone and put it aside.
- When a person shows up for a meeting you move away from your desk to sit at an empty conference table. You might offer the person a bottle of water.
The following film clip is from the movie “Star Trek: Insurrection.” In this clip a beautiful young woman who is actually 309 years old teaches Captain Jean-Luc Picard about being present. Observe the body language, the signals of availability and the lessons of being in the moment.
Please note any observations from the video below in the comments section. Also, feel free to offer any insights or questions that relate to any other part of this topic.
When you are done please click on the submit button to move on to the next topic – Being Genuine.
Responses