When we take the time to affirm the value of our employees or colleagues we are creating a breeding ground for high-quality connections. This means going beyond simply being present to searching for the “divine spark in another” – that is, their positive core – and recognizing it in public. Each affirmative gesture increases the potential for high-quality connections.
Each day is full of opportunities for genuine, transformative affirmation. Here are several strategies that you can practice daily to communicate affirmation.
Affirming Someone’s Situation
In today’s environment people are often in situations of extreme pressure and stress. It is important to communicate your awareness and understanding of someone’s situation. Encouragement makes them feel noticed and appreciated. You can also provide affirmation by expressing how much you value team members and their skills, abilities and talents.
Example: “I want you to know I have been watching you and no one could do this job better than you are doing it.”
Looking for Value in the Other
What if we shifted the lens through which we viewed others from being critical to being appreciative? Actively looking for the value in another means actively approaching another person with the expectation of affirming who they are and what they have to offer. In the book The Art of Possibility, Zander and Zander call this move one of “Giving the other person an A.” Watch the video below of Benjamin Zander describing this strategy.
Expressing Recognition
While we all recognize the power of recognizing worthy employees it is not universally practiced. According to one study more than half of workers surveyed reported they are never recognized for a job well done. A similar study found the same percentage did not get any recognition – even for outstanding performance.
Expressed recognition serves to recognize a job well done or a contribution someone has made, but more than that, it is affirming the value of the person to whom it is offered. Recognition does not have to take the formal of a bold action or formal announcement. It can be a simple thank you – a handshake – some type of acknowledgement of the individuals contribution.
The film clip below is from “The Pursuit of Happyness,” a film based on the actual experience of Chris Gardner. Chris was working as a salesman and taking care of his young son. They were also homeless. In an effort to turn his life around Chris applied to Dean Witter to enter their brokerage firm as a trainee. If he did well he would be hired as a broker. This scene is actually near the end of the movie when he finds out his fate. Notice how simple the act of recognition is in the film and the impact that it has on Chris.
Expression of Genuine Interest
Moving beyond recognition, you also affirm others when you take a genuine interest in their feelings, thoughts or actions. It is moving beyond just appreciating what they do to demonstrating appreciation of the “wholeness of the other person.” You all recognize from our own experience that greetings like “How are you?” can vary considerably in how much genuine interest in another person they express. Think about those people in your life who ask that question with genuine interest. We all have finely tuned “sincerity detectors” when it comes to expressions of interest that others may express toward us on a day to day basis. How do you feel when someone genuinely expresses interest in how you are doing? How was your weekend? Or inquires about your family, hobbies, or past experiences? When you demonstrate a genuine interest in wanting to know another human being – who they are, what they care about, what “makes them tick” – the expression of interest begins a cycle of positive growth that typifies high quality connections.
The Treatment of Time
In today’s world our time is a precious commodity. How we treat others time is an instant message of respect or a lack of it. Showing up on time, granting time, apologizing for wasting time and respectfully asking for time are small acts that convey affirmation. There is a world of difference conveyed in these two statements: “We need to talk and we need to talk right now,” versus “I know you are busy, but do you have fifteen minutes for a short conversation?”
In addition, we must recognize that conveying interest doesn’t just flow one-way. Sometimes we may need to take the first step. Being open, revealing yourself, allowing yourself to be vulnerable are often helpful preludes to engaging someone respectfully.
Questions for Discussion
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